As many of you may have gathered by now, I’m a huge advocate of both parents remaining in their children’s lives during and after divorce.
It’s truly one of the best things that you can do for your child yet one of the hardest you, as a parent, have to contend with for a long time coming.
Thing is, even after they are adults and living their own lives, you and your ex will continue to have an indirect relationship with each other whether you like it or not.
You see with adulthood comes graduation ceremonies, weddings, spouses, your grandchildren, their christenings and other ceremonies. So if you choose to interrupt or disrupt your child’s relationship with the other parent, you’re not only setting up a long hard future for you and them but also one for your grandchildren.
So why not start being the bigger person, the bigger, better parent now and make sure your children are not missing out on a relationship with the other parent, a better future for them and for your grandchildren?
Research has shown, over and over again that children do indeed benefit greatly from having their fathers in their lives. Research on the need for infants to have mothers in their lives from a very young age is in plenty but it’s only relatively recently that fathers are getting a look in more and more.
If it’s the other parent’s wish to stay away then so be it. There’s not much you can do about that.
I often watch and seek out videos that help in one way or other when it comes to issues around divorce and especially those around children and divorce.
Children of divorce need as much help in coping with divorce.
Many parents who are making it difficult for children to continue having a relationship with the other parent, either through parental alienation or by simply making it as difficult as possible for them to see one another, are often parenting from hurt, pain, anger and from a place of vengeance.
If this is you, realise that you may indeed be a toxic parent.
Children of divorce find themselves stuck in a situation chosen and created by parents. They are often confused, angry and lost.
The main and probably only people who can make it better for them are their parents.
If you are co-parenting with an angry ex or one who is uncooperative then sadly, it just means you’ve got more work to do in making sure your children’s fears and anxieties are contained.
And if that container needs to be you then the best thing you can do is find and create your own support system that could include friends and extended family.