Divorce – What Doesn’t Kill Us…

what doesn't kill us

You will survive this.

This is the second/third time that I am starting and re-starting this blog.


Because the other couple of times I had started by apologising for the title but then I asked myself, “Why are you apolgising for something so true?”

Thing is, like most traumatic experiences, divorce can be a very enabling experience.  As the saying goes, “What doesn’t kill us …”

It’s not just about getting over it or learning how to live with it,  it’s more than that, deeper than that and that is how it changes you from within.  What have you learned from that experience that has made you a better person, stronger person?

A quote from this month’s issue of “The Psychologist” by Terry Waite, who survived four years as a hostage in solitary confinement (quoted in Joseph, 2012, p.43)

“Suffering is universal: you attempt to subvert it so that it does not have a destructive, negative effect.  You turn it around so that it becomes a creative, positive force.

And if that is not enough to motivate you into making the effort to find and discover what psychological well-being can be gained from the challenges, hurt and pain of divorce read this quote below, from a woman who was caught up in a shooting in which her close friend was killed, and ask yourself what it is that you really want for yourself (again it’s from “The Psychologist.“)

“In the silent wee hours of the morning, I sat staring at their  picture and began to sob.  Through my sobs, I heard the real voice of wisdom I believe we all possess.  It was my voice, the voice that knows me best, but a voice that had become muted.  Guess what.  No one is coming to change the situation.  No one will rescue you.  No one can.  It’s up to you.  Find your strength.  I realised that as long as i remained a victim, I too made my family avictim.  My anxiety could only teach them to be anxious.  I was robbing them of happiness and positive outlook on the world.  I had to come to the intersection of intersections.  I could choose to end my life or I could choose to live.I needed to live for my family – and later I understood most importantly, for myself. (quoted in Joseph, 2012 p.142.)

Again, what do you want?  Not for your children but for you?

If you want to discover the hidden treasures of divorce, the ones that will help you not only move on but more importantly heal and truly grow from your experience then contact me and let’s find and discover them for you.

Lots of warm hugs,

Soila  (+44(0)7850 85 60 66)

P/S The book that I have quoted above is entitled, What Doesn’t Kill Us – The New Psychology of Posttraumatic Growth.” by Prof Stephen Joseph.


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