We’re going through divorce and my daughter is being given very negative messages by her mother about me so much so that it is beginning to affect my relationship with my child. What can I do?
Ongoing friction and conflict between divorcing and/or separated parents is very common when going through divorce.
Unfortunately what is common too, is the reaction or behaviour of some parents who choose to use their children to get to the other parent probably due to sheer anger, resentment and probably hate too.
If you’re the parent at the receiving end, it’s vital to realise and accept that you can only influence your own parenting style. You can only change and manage what it going on in your own home.
This may mean that you have to pick up the pieces when your children are put in situations that are not conducive to their wellbeing, and unfortunately, it is what it is.
Your children are likely to be cooperative, happy and well adjusted if they have just one parent who remains consistent from one day to the next.
A parent who is mostly positive in their interactions with their child and is able to give the child a clear sense of what is appropriate and what’s not appropriate. A parent who has proper boundaries and limits put in place.
During this time, you need to be aiming to reduce children’s exposure to any ongoing acrimony or conflict and avoid taking in the stress that is associated with the divorce and separation into your own parenting lives too much otherwise it will affect how consistent how, how available, how positive you are likely to be with your children.
Of course all this is far, far easier said than done, but it is definitely not impossible.
Look after yourself by reaching out to people who can help and support you during this difficult time. Acknowledge your anxieties and worries and deal with them appropriately, including being ready to see a therapist or counsellor, so that you do not have those negative and powerful emotions trickle or pour into your parenting ways.
If one parent isn’t putting the children first, then all the more reason why they will need you to do that for them. To look after them by being consistent, available and have those boundaries and limits well in place.
If you’re struggling with this aspect of your divorce and/or separation, then do speak with me. There are ways to work around this using various techniques including Triple P – Positive Parenting Program.
0785-085 60 66
If you know anyone who is going through divorce or separation and is concerned their children, please do share this with them.