I’m going to get straight to the point here.
Conflict is usual at the best of times, it’s really part of life to be honest, but even more so during divorce and separation.
Keep your children safe:
- Don’t involve your children in adult issues. They really don’t need to know the details of what happened between you and your spouse, neither do they need to know when all your court appearances are or what financial agreement you both have come to. Similarly, they don’t need to know if or when the child support has been paid and how much it is. By providing them with this unnecessary information, you’re also providing them with unpleasant information that they are totally powerless to do anything about.
- Don’t allow them to look after you and your emotions. You are the adult in the room; the parent so make sure you contain their fears and anxieties and not the other way round. Please don’t get me wrong, it’s fine for them to see you upset and crying, as a matter of fact, this can be very healthy for them as they realise that it’s ok to be upset. But when this is taken too far that you become unable to look after them then there is an issue and a problem that needs to be addressed. Turn to another adult to look after you.
- Always remember that you are not your child’s only influence, so you better be the best. What type of role model are you for your children? What are you showing them? Teaching them? If they were in the same situation as you are in, how would you want them to cope? Are you always seeking to be right or are you looking to be happy? Teach them that their other parent is important to them and that you respect that. You don’t have to be that parent’s friend but being the bigger parent does indeed help your children feel more secure. It may not seem so right now but that’s all part of building a new life, a new foundation.
- If you feel a fight brewing, do whatever you can to nip it in the bud. It may involve you taking your child out of that environment then and there or removing yourself from the firing line by moving to another room or using words that will diffuse the situation. Yes, it’s easier said than done but not only is it not impossible to do but with practice, it gets easier. It does.
If you have lived through divorce and have reached a good place between you and your ex-spouse, how did you do it? What words of advice would you give to someone going through a high conflict divorce?
I found this and thought you might like it: Where conflict is present – read through the following: http://news.healingwell.com/index.php?p=news1&id=530961